The cycle continues
As easy as it is to write a post talking about how I spend too much time online and how I need to change that, it’s even easier to fall right back into the habit. No matter how aware I claim to be about the emotional pingponging, the interaction baiting, the easily digestible narratives, and all the other methods social media uses to keep us engaged I fall right back in its trap.
Logically, I know these are the methods social media algorithms and creators that make their living off views use to keep me engaged. Logically, I know when I pick up my phone I am choosing to be isolated and waste time, even if what is on my screen is of little interest. I always end up back there.
Reason is these platforms appeal to our emotions. They appeal to a part of my brain I am obviously not as connected with. With this in mind I find that the feeling I am chasing is the feeling of understanding others. As someone that’s always struggled to understand social situations in many different ways social media was an amazing break from my isolation and confusion. Suddenly I could not only interact with others more easily, but I could also observe and understand.
I loved observing how online jokes spread, how communities use these in-jokes to signal to each other, and how these jokes (once big enough) turn into full on memes reaching a global audience. I became obsessed thinking about the similarities and differences between online communities. How do Spanish speaking posters interact with English memes, how long does a meme stay relevant to a specific group before it’s trite, why do certain memes spread to some communities but not others, and many other questions.
For 10 years I scrolled social media rarely to connect with people I knew in real life and more so to try and gain some sort of understanding of others, especially how people connected with humor. Now I am aware that I can catching glimpses of how different communities interact but I have huge gaps in knowledge since I am not actually part of those communities. I realize there is a bias in what content I am shown, only being served up whatever the algorithm thinks will keep me engaged. I also know the internet has become more insular, there are memes and ideas being spread that I will never come across because the algorithm does not serve me that content or I’m not on the platform it is being posted on.
And even then I still go back to that damn phone. My emotional brain is trapped. Two weeks ago I said I would start reading and writing, working on things that were tangible and could connect me with real people with similar interests. Instead I picked up a book maybe twice and wrote absolutely nothing.
But there is only one way out of the cycle. All of the things I want to do live at the front of my head every day, but it is time to actually do them. I can think about writing, reading, playing music or whatever else as much as I like but nothing will come of it if I choose to stay trapped. Even if the start is slow, I need to choose freedom.
WIGGLS 